In the wake of the 2016 United States Presidential Election, to say that more than half of the population of the USA is fearing for dear life would be a grave understatement. After expressing some troubled reactions, countless individuals have vowed to relocate northward, preferring to withstand colder climates than the endless winter that is the reign of Trump (maybe Barack Obama will move to Mississauga, even).
Snoop Dogg has been particularly vocal in the matter:
Exhibit A: A horrified Bitstrip Snoop Dogg falls to his knees in dismay in reaction to election results:
Exhibit B: Bitstrip Snoop, literally can’t even:
He continued to express his disbelief here:
And here:
This all culminated in Snoop Dogg reaching out to Drake to get a hookup on a property in the 6ix:
We’re sure Snoop already knew Toronto loves him, but you can never say I love you enough. So we decided to reach out and write him a letter so he can be sure he’s welcome here:
Dear Snoop Dogg, we heard you’re thinking of coming through. We thought about it, we took a second, matter fact we took four and came up with five (reasons) why you should move to the six.
1. Safer streets
Murder…murder was the case they gave you but maybe that’s an Amurrka thang, here in the Great White North, death by gun violence is 51 times less than in the USofA, and Toronto is still one of the safest cities in North America (1).
2. Big business
Toronto can’t get enough of Snoop Dogg, and we kinda feel like you feelin’ us too. You were just up here at Uniun Nightclub for the All Star NBA Weekend and for your Northside Birthday Bash. We’re lovin’ the love!
But as a downtown assassin, you know our clubs shut down at 3am. We heard you’re a real (serial) killa…entrepreneur, so we know you spotted this one before we even mentioned it. Those afterhours you’re looking to build (2), we’re ready. You must’ve noticed our urban afterhours here are…well, you’re a smart man, we’ll leave that one to you.
But we know you also wanna save this dogg’s world and are a serious humanitarian. You roll with Drake, so you know we’re more caring up here. That chain of Snoopermarkets to serve poor areas and sell everything for under $20 (2), we love the idea. I’m sure our government would too, they’re sorta into that.
3. Legal leafs
And while we’re on the subject of our dear government, we noticed you noticed Trudeau and medicinal marijuana legalization, cause we noticed Leafs by Snoop. Next goal: California styles; we really want you to feel at home.
4. The 6ix has got mad love for DJ Snoopadelic, Snoop Lion, Snoop Jay, oh and Snoop Dogg too
Whether you’re spinning at NBA True North as DJ Snoopadelic:
Promoting peace with Mr. Tony Bennett while reppin’ the Toronto Raptors as Snoop Lion:
Throwing the opening pitch at a Blue Jays game at the Rogers Center as Snoop Jay:
Or just being yourself:
Even the kids have it:
5. Leave Trump, take Trudeau and Tory
Lastly, but probably most importantly, NO TRUMP, no sir!
Our mayor, John Tory said he’d be delightedto welcome any Americans who would like to move to Toronto, welcoming all races and flavors (3). So Snoop, looks like they built this city for you yeah.
Before we forget! You said you needed a link on a dogghouse! Well, if ya don’t feel to crash with Drake, TorontoRentals has got the hookups for some proper rentals in the Six. Cause ya know, you don’t wanna buy without testing first, gotta keep the hand full of green; its just good business.
Image source: Trudeau and Trump
Image source: Snoop Dogg
Image source: Drake